14 Jamadil Akhir 1446H / 16 December 2024
Assalamualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh
May Allah Almighty shower His Divine Blessings, Mercy, Protection, and Favour upon you and your family, Insha'Allah.
The word of Allah s.w.t.:
"And among the signs of His power is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you will tend and feel at peace with them (sakinah), and He made among you mawaddah and mercy. Indeed, in that there are truly signs for a people who think."
[Ar-Ruum: 21]
Failure to understand these three matters can result in estrangement in the household relationship, which in turn can lead to conflict and it is not impossible that it will eventually lead to divorce because the couple does not understand and behaves carelessly in these three matters.
First: Responsibility
According to the Shari'a, it is the husband
who should provide Nafkah for his wife and family. In fact, carrying it out is a matter that is highly commendable and praised by Allah compared to other acts of infaq.
The words of the Messenger of Allah s.a.w.: "One dinar that you spend for the struggle of fisabilillah, one dinar that you spend on a servant - then you can immediately be free, one dinar that you give to someone who is poor and one dinar that
you give to your family, then the greatest reward is is what you provide for your family."
[Muslim]
However, in the current situation things have changed, with living conditions increasing, many wives are also helping to lighten their husbands' burdens. However, whether the husband is responsible for the maintenance in total or to a certain
extent or not completely, failure to carry out this responsibility will certainly diminish the wife's respect.
In the long term, feelings of affection will also fade over time and cause the intimate relationship between the two to become compromised and become colder,
especially if the wife also takes over the husband's responsibility in managing family expenses because of the husband's irresponsible attitude.
Second: Compassion
In accordance with Islamic recommendations which prescribe marriage as a forum for establishing feelings of love, affection and tranquility for married couples. So each partner needs to bring it to fruition in their respective relationships; that is, we should serve our husband or wife kindly and gently, loving them as much as before we married. Always respect our partner and never use harsh words, which is definitely something that is unnatural for us to do
to our partner.
Remember the order of Rasulullah s.a.w. which means: "The believer with the most perfect faith is the one with the best morals among them. And the best of you are those who are kindest to their wives."
[Ahmad]
Likewise with the word of Allah:
"And associate with them (wives) in a good way."
[An-Nisaa: 19]
Third: Intimation
In fact, the matter of intimacy is also closely related to the previous cases. Lack of affection and neglect of
responsibilities can result in intimate or sexual relations between husband and wife being compromised. How can there be intimacy, if there is hatred between a husband and wife or one of the two of them and feels that he or she is being treated harshly, insulting and despicable words are being thrown around, what's more if there is violence in the household!
In fact, this also coincides with the hadith narrated
from 'Abdullah bin Zam'ah, he said, that Rasulullah s.a.w. said which means: "Is it right for someone to beat his wife like hitting a servant and then sleeping with him that night?" [Bukhari]
It is clear from this that these three things are equally important and are interrelated with each other. In fact, neglecting one of these three important elements, such as being irresponsible for example, will
have an impact on feelings of affection for our partner which in turn can have an impact on our intimate relationship.
Wallahu 'alam
